This diary deserves to open with nothing less than a Yogi Berra quote: "It's tough to make predictions, especially about the future." Last year was even tougher than usual for predictions: near-bankruptcy for General Motors; a Democratic nomination fight that lasted until June; the price of oil going to $147 a barrel, then collapsing into the 30s; John McCain's comeback and Sarah Palin's inauspicious debut; epic finishes at the U.S. Open and Wimbledon; the worst year for stocks since the Hoover administration; snow without end in parts of the East and Midwest; and the Tampa Bay Rays in the World Series. Even the quack psychics who advertise on late night cable TV don't claim to have predicted all that.
I'm no pyschic, and I'm not telegenic enough to do ads, but I do have some predictions for 2009. Feel free to offer your own...or tell me how full of prunes mine are. You'll find them beneath the fold.
DUMPSTER'S PREDICTIONS FOR 2009
Republicans will try hard to link President Obama to Illinois' corrupt political culture; and inevitably, Regnery will come out with a book entitled What's the Matter With Illinois?
Tiger Woods will come back stronger than ever and become an odds-on favorite to break Jack Nicklaus's record of 18 Grand Slam victories.
Early in the year, both Time and Newsweek will run stories warning of a possible second Great Depression. Those stories will coincide with a rally that takes the Dow over 11,000. The year will be good for stock market investors, not so good for workers and homeowners.
John Paul Stevens will not resign from the Supreme Court, but Ruth Bader Ginsberg will. Her replacement will be a female (not a surprise) who is not currently a federal judge (a surprise).
Despite spending more than 400 million bucks on free agents, the Yankees will still fail to qualify for the playoffs, and there will be a power struggle within the House of Steinbrenner.
The following people will be out of their current jobs by year's end: the King of Thailand, Russian figurehead president Dmitri Medvedev, GM CEO Rick Wagoner, British Prime Minister Gordon Brown, and overripe despots Robert Mugabe and Fidel Castro.
The Sports Bubble will show signs of bursting. At least one team in the NBA will fold (or be taken over by the league), and one team in the NHL will move from the Sunbelt to Canada.
In Congress, the most contentious issue will be the Employee Free Choice Act. Business groups will spend millions on commercials attacking the legislation.
Crime will spike upward, and Republicans will rediscover "law and order" as a campaign issue.
The Cubs will not win the World Series. Neither will the Indians.
The fight over the RNC chairmanship will be a prelude to a bitter ideological fight within the party. Some of the year's most entertaining political commentary will be found in conservative journals and on right-wing blogs.
With gas prices hovering around $2 a gallon, automakers will find themselves with a glut of unmarketable small cars.
Harry Reid will step down as Majority Leader in order to concentrate on a tough re-election campaign. Kossacks will rejoice.
Britney Spears and Amy Winehouse will be the entertainment world's two biggest "comeback" stories. Neither comeback will last much beyond the end of 2009.
But the most over-exposed celebrity story of all will be Oprah Winfrey's mid-life crisis.
Lawmakers will discover that legalized gambling is no panacea after tough economic times cut into revenues of state lotteries and casinos.
Sarah Palin's popularity rating among Republicans will soar after she butts heads with Alaska lawmakers over the budget, criminal charges against Levi Johnston's mother are disposed of, and her autobiography attracts scathing reviews in the mainstream media.
Right wing radio's red-meat cultural issue of 2009 will be the "feminization of society." Much will be made of President Obama living in a household of females.
America's media will grow bored with peak oil and global warming. Both stories will disappear from the news, making it that much harder for President Obama to get his climate and energy initiatives through Congress.